Another Year.....365 days of penance..solitude and frustration

Another year just flew by in front of me.......

As I sit here infront of a total destruction and carnage of my 3 guitars lying mixed with 10 cans of beer and my broken cell phone....I just thought I would write about the days gone by in the hope that I would be a better person for all of it...#

Fate I learnt is a like a young temptress....It teases you with good prospects and as soon as you start after it, it justs dumps you into trash...

The year started good with a good appraisal, the to the Armin Van Buuren show....the best part of the year..but since then it just went down like Alice in a long tunnel...

Got cheated by someone...started Spanish classes but did not continue......gained a shit lot of weight....had 2 accidents in two months.....drank like crazy...wanked of like crazy to get out of it.....and drank like crazy for the past two days and finally took out my frustration and broke my guitars....good friends they were...broke my cell phone my spects... and finallly got a headache which made me lie awake for an entire night and now blogging at 6 am .............

SO finally I hope...that I have washed all my sins and I look forward to the new year with a lot of hopes and lots of plans...

I have joined the GMAT classes and I intend to crack it and get into Insead or ISB....make my Moms dream come true get an MBA done....

This year would be a strictly no drinking year...have to get alcohol out of my system and NO its not a hangover thats talking...I do want that Six pack desperately....

I want to study..read books..hopefully read a lot of poetry...get into MBA...drink no more.....And yes get back to blogging again.....

I want to be clean and energetic and want to get back to enjoying life......These are my resolutions...my hopes...and my destiny....This year I make my own path....You all have the right to beat me up..if I dont fulfill my commitments and resolutions....Oh yes..maybe get a girlfriend again..:)

I am the warrior rising out of my ashes,
I have shed my tears and destroyed my illusional demons,
The past was dark and yet there is the new light,
I am glowing under the photons of the Northern lights,
Mixing with them and binding to them,
I fell new remade remixed and sequeled
To love life, family and friends.....

So all the best to you guys aliens Gaians...
A Very Happy New Year...


Me I gotta go..create my path do my things...(Hopefully screw some chicks in the process ..hehehe :) )

Reminds of an old song which was my childhood favorite(dunno who the original artist was):

If you miss the train, I'm on,
You will know that I am gone.
You can hear the whistle blow
One hundred miles.
One hundred miles, one hundred miles,
One hundred miles, one hundred miles,
You can hear the whistle blow
One hundred miles.

Lord, I'm one, lord, Im two,
Lord, I'm three, Lord, I'm four,
Lord, I'm five hundred miles
Away from home.
Five hundred miles, five hundred miles,
Five hundred miles, five hundred miles,
Lord, I'm five hundred miles
Away from home.

Not a shirt on my back,
Not a penny to my name.
Lord, I can't go a-home
This a-way.
This a-way, this a-way,
This a-way, this a-way,
Lord, I can't go a-home
This a-way.

To the Six pack and the MBA..here I come....

How much stronger do I have to get?? How much of it do I need so thth my life is fulfilled??

Its calling me again.. the temptation is strong.. I dont know much longer I can hold on.....

I am

I am wht I am.. A destroyer of gud.. am hopeless smoker and lost drunk....


A man without caring for she said Tht the only reason u r good at writing is cuz of the hurt I gv u.....

Well gv me some more.. and look I care.. for I m gone by then.... I search of life...............

I live on life, I live on death,
I live on the insanity that keeps me awake,

Thru the dark nights of sorrow,

I keep on hoping for a brighter tomorrow,

Will this ever end, The sheer torture of my pain,

Can I be wht I was once,
Can I be the same again.........

I cannot take it any more..... I accept my defeat humbly on my knees.. The point is I tried so hard and this guy does not even has to try.... Maybe I am lost.. this time its forever like a dream that crumbles like its so far away....

Angst

Lets not meet now
Lets not mwwt forever
for u r not the one I thought
But ur passions are forever

cuz u dont feel anything
even the throes of heart
Oh My Ice Maiden
Shouldst u depart

everything is an investment to u
audited by love
put ur hearty to mine
feel the real hurt

feel my love underneath the pain
the angst for all lost in vain
should u ever find me again
a new man shaLL BE BORN AGAIN



Lost in drunkenness of me..............................................

Blood and Ashes

This world is torn.. tattered to shreds..destroyed by lust of the people you love...the fabric of exitence is destroyed.. stained with the blood and shit and the decaying mucus of humanity...

The loss of innocence hurts.. the loss of love hurts more..it feels like there is nothing more left.. the blackedned steel enters you without anesthesia.. you are scared you soul is destryoed.. there is no way out of tghis dark hole....

Is death the only way out... how do u reach the peace that eluded you for so long.. does starving help.. does the pain of hunger compensate for the loss of something.. someone you loved the most....

I am my ownself.. but my self is lost to others who do not care.. people change but do they change so much that you cant even recognise them anymore.....

I am destroyed... but I will be created again...but I have lost the total blind utmost faith....... I had in good...... in this life...... in this world....

Musings of a reprobate

Is this how she felt before all of this? The way she called... always wanting to talk to me more...to hear my voice to hear me breathe...trusting me to be with her but wondering what I am doing...

Is that what it took for me to understand that? How I feel now... always to be with her.. never wanting to let her out of my sight.. to hold her as much as I can...keep her safe from everything in life.....

Why did I not understand it.. why did I always hurt her...why does it take so much for me to open up... I knew I like her..non..I love her..She is the most wonderful person I have ever met....

I always thought of her...I never wanted to hurt her.. never wanted to leave her alone...Did I get that lost in my pathetic self importance...

Sometimes, you need to let your heart be torn to shreds to become new... To love this world again.. to love her again.... To inhale her sweet smell again.... to take and immerse her in myself....

May you never suffer such hurt again, my heart...May the Gods always smile upon you....May you be never again feel lonely and bitter..... For if noone else.. I would be there for you...with the remains of my distant memories and that shredded heart..........

I am the highway and a peregrine and all the sails that ever went to sea. -- Robert Kincaid

Memories of 2008----

I find myself thinking about the year gone by.... it seems so long ago.............Ruminating about it.. a bit late but still..........


The year was good... it was amazing... chappad phadke..total...sometimes i wonder.. whether i deserved it or not...............

I met 2 amazing women in the same year. Two women of opposite extremes.. yet so wonderful..so perceptive.. so kiddish....So beautifulllll...with lovely eyes and lovely heart..

Finally.. in my working of 5 yrs I get to go outside India..and wht trips.. travelling both the continents. It was like a package trip. In US \i went to the opposite extremes both east and west coast.. In UK I went to Scotaland and London... What was more memorable was, it coincided with my parents visiting my Sis and me taking a week off to spend with them..My parents first trip abroad and all us being together.. nothing but Gods grace or that cosmic energy helping me out or Us out............

I got promoted....I got a huge retention bonus which helped to cover the expenses of my UK trip.. I got a huge hike twice thanks to my Manager...

As if this was not enough.. I got 3 weeks leave to do what I want and I finally started leaning how to DJ.. my dream of almost 2 yrs.. finally fulfilled...


As I said it was like all the stars aligning themselves to make me happy.. and sequencing the events to help the next one...


I sold of my car and finally bought a Bike ...a Enfiled Thunderbird..

Happiness showered me with passion...with love .. with happiness...


I truly apolosgise to all the people to whom I have said stupid things or done supid things... Please find it in your heart to forgive me.....

But there are side effects.. I went thru two failed relationship... I think I am not good for it.... It ??? How can I throw such a lovely thing away....

This is year.. I spend to think and to sort out my life...I will learn to think a nd act... Passion is good at its place.. but does not always work...


So Wish me luck... I hope for the best..