How much stronger do I have to get?? How much of it do I need so thth my life is fulfilled??

Its calling me again.. the temptation is strong.. I dont know much longer I can hold on.....

I am

I am wht I am.. A destroyer of gud.. am hopeless smoker and lost drunk....


A man without caring for she said Tht the only reason u r good at writing is cuz of the hurt I gv u.....

Well gv me some more.. and look I care.. for I m gone by then.... I search of life...............

I live on life, I live on death,
I live on the insanity that keeps me awake,

Thru the dark nights of sorrow,

I keep on hoping for a brighter tomorrow,

Will this ever end, The sheer torture of my pain,

Can I be wht I was once,
Can I be the same again.........

I cannot take it any more..... I accept my defeat humbly on my knees.. The point is I tried so hard and this guy does not even has to try.... Maybe I am lost.. this time its forever like a dream that crumbles like its so far away....

Angst

Lets not meet now
Lets not mwwt forever
for u r not the one I thought
But ur passions are forever

cuz u dont feel anything
even the throes of heart
Oh My Ice Maiden
Shouldst u depart

everything is an investment to u
audited by love
put ur hearty to mine
feel the real hurt

feel my love underneath the pain
the angst for all lost in vain
should u ever find me again
a new man shaLL BE BORN AGAIN



Lost in drunkenness of me..............................................

Blood and Ashes

This world is torn.. tattered to shreds..destroyed by lust of the people you love...the fabric of exitence is destroyed.. stained with the blood and shit and the decaying mucus of humanity...

The loss of innocence hurts.. the loss of love hurts more..it feels like there is nothing more left.. the blackedned steel enters you without anesthesia.. you are scared you soul is destryoed.. there is no way out of tghis dark hole....

Is death the only way out... how do u reach the peace that eluded you for so long.. does starving help.. does the pain of hunger compensate for the loss of something.. someone you loved the most....

I am my ownself.. but my self is lost to others who do not care.. people change but do they change so much that you cant even recognise them anymore.....

I am destroyed... but I will be created again...but I have lost the total blind utmost faith....... I had in good...... in this life...... in this world....

Musings of a reprobate

Is this how she felt before all of this? The way she called... always wanting to talk to me more...to hear my voice to hear me breathe...trusting me to be with her but wondering what I am doing...

Is that what it took for me to understand that? How I feel now... always to be with her.. never wanting to let her out of my sight.. to hold her as much as I can...keep her safe from everything in life.....

Why did I not understand it.. why did I always hurt her...why does it take so much for me to open up... I knew I like her..non..I love her..She is the most wonderful person I have ever met....

I always thought of her...I never wanted to hurt her.. never wanted to leave her alone...Did I get that lost in my pathetic self importance...

Sometimes, you need to let your heart be torn to shreds to become new... To love this world again.. to love her again.... To inhale her sweet smell again.... to take and immerse her in myself....

May you never suffer such hurt again, my heart...May the Gods always smile upon you....May you be never again feel lonely and bitter..... For if noone else.. I would be there for you...with the remains of my distant memories and that shredded heart..........